Last time, I discussed, very briefly, about us having and needing an ego and what it is. So today I decided that I am going to tell you about how an ego learns.
Nelson Mandela said that we learn how to hate and therefore we can be taught how to love. Those were some powerful words because the truth in them is filled with great and uplifting power. When we are born, we only know love. Every child is born loving their mother. Over time we learn to love others, then we learn to walk and speak and then we learn to hate.
It is the ego that learns to hate. The best place to see it, is actually through religious tolerance. The ego learns that it is part of a religious group and it becomes completely identified with it, to the point that it believes that those that follow a different religious path are wrong. They may even feel superior because they may believe that their religion is the best. But really is there any such thing? The point of religion is to teach the love of God and for God, and to teach lessons that help us to follow our life purpose. Every religion teaches this. Then where does the separation come? It comes from the collective ego. Religious groups often have a collective mentality which becomes the collective ego which then filters down to the individual ego. Therefore, the ego learnt this attitude to dislike other religions because "I" am part of a superior religious group. There is nothing wrong in believing in the teachings of a religion, don't misunderstand me, I am not undermining the concept of belonging to a religious organization, nor am I stating that every person that belongs to a religion is intolerant of other religions. I only chose to use religion as an example of how the ego learns to identify itself with a concept and perspective. This same lesson can be used with the example of race, culture and even language. The same way, the ego can also learn love and acceptance. It all depends on the individual, for we are all unique.
Our egos are constantly learning new perspective, beliefs and concepts. We are always developing new opinions and ideas based on all the things we have learnt in life. So here's the thing... If you learnt things that are bringing you unhappiness, worries and problems, then its time to unlearn them by leaning new things. Adapt your conscious mind to new things so that you can start building up the energy you need to attract a new lifestyle that is specific to what you want. Redefine the things you identify yourself to be. Even if its something as small as letting go of a perspective that has been holding you back in life. Letting go of a fear, or even becoming more rational, because trust me there are some irrational egos out there in this world.
The ego learns everything that it knows from the time we are born, through experiences, surrounding and teachings. The most dangerous of all the things it learns can sometime come from the media. The idea of what is pretty and what is required to make someone happy, or the need to become popular and known. Its always about wanting more in life, what we have is only good enough up to a certain point, there after we want more, therefore we are almost never truly happy and content in life. The ego allows us to live in the material world and therefore its desires are also materialistic. It's not a bad thing. But to be happy and at peace, we need to keep our spiritual desires in mind as well. Some people believe that in order to become spiritually awaken, we must let go of material desires. But I think that we need both. It's not always possible for us to let go material things, at this point in time, we need money, food and shelter to survive. So developing a balance between getting what you need spiritually and materially is probably the best way to go. Its not easy at all, but it can be done. The balance is required, especially if you are a Lightworker.
Maybe, relax and allow yourself to feel the energy of the universe giving you everything that you and your ego requires.
Tuesday, 4 February 2014
Thursday, 30 January 2014
The EGO: Introducing the voice in my head (1)
Aaaahhh.... The ever daunting ego. I mean imagine telling someone that they have a big ego... If you're lucky you might only get a word slap... If you're unlucky... Well, I'm sorry.
At university I once told a guy that NASA called to say that they had just spotted his ego from space, that's just how big his ego is. But then recent revelations made me think... perhaps he's not the only one with an ego in that conversation. I have an ego... A big one in fact. And so do you. (I ask you to hold your word slap till you finish reading this).
We all have an ego, because its the fundamental necessary evil that makes the world go round. Its necessary because it gives us a sense of self. It identifies itself as person with a name and gender and address and life story. You cannot exist in this world without your ego, because no matter much we feel a spiritual oneness with everyone and everything, you will still have your own body that limits you from truly becoming one with the world. You can't avoid it... I mean picture this... You're sitting at the dining table and the person opposite you as just used the salt on their food, and your food also needs more salt... No amount of oneness is gonna make your food saltier. YOU will have to ask the person across from YOU to pass the salt.
Essentially that is all the ego is at its basic level, but what it becomes is entirely up to how you identify yourself with. So no, being vain or modest has very little to do with having an "ego" about yourself. Perhaps studies will one day find that a healthy vanity may in fact be better than being modest. I say this because the vain have a healthy dose of love for themselves, and so they should... Everyone one should. But we all don't. Some of us have low self-esteems, eating disorders, lack confidence, and have issues with accepting achievements with grace. Jane Austin makes a good argument about this, in her book Pride and Prejudice... Actually, it was when I read the book a few years ago that I began to really look at the concept of modesty and its affect on the ego.
You see, learning to love yourself is one of the most important things that one can ever do. I mean you can hold yourself to the perception of what others think of you and be happy or unhappy, but you can also hold yourself to your ego's perception and be happy or unhappy... Everything the ego knows it has learnt. So if you believe that small button noses are nice but you have a straight pointy nose, it doesn't mean that you don't have a nice nose. Or does it? That depends entirely on you and your ego. I will discuss more on this later on when I discuss Taking Things Personally. What I am really trying to achieve here is an understanding on the fact that you are separate from your ego. You can tell this very easily like this: The next time you start thinking about things ask yourself, if I am talking then who is listening? More often than not, you are the one listening and the one talking is your ego.
One of my cousins always jokes that she can't decide which of the voices in her head should she listen to. She's right, there are a few voices happening in all of our heads. There's the ego, there is you and there is what Eckhart Tolle calls "The pain body". But also sometimes there's a quiet voice in the corner, nudging you on... it may be your gut or sixth sense, or instinct. However you look at it, most of the time that voice is coming from God, or the angels, maybe even a last loved one. So never ignore that voice. I mean you can if you want to... freedom of choice and all that jazz, but it might work out more pleasantly if you did listen.
So we all have an ego and its necessary thing to have, which can sometimes be a bad thing, because the ego affects the way you wield the Law of Attraction. If your ego is always looking to play the victim and you are so identified with your ego that you won't notice just how often you play the victim in your everyday life. The same goes for playing the judge. There are two ways to overpower your ego, sort of. Well, there is only one way that I know off, and the other way is more like a quick fix.
The quick fix way is to change your thoughts. You can think more positive thoughts and you can change your perceptions. This is good as a start because its like trimming down the bushy branches and leaves of an unwanted weed, so that you can eventually pull it out from the root. It will give you an difficult but, forgive the pun, fruitful start. It may take a few days but you will start seeing some definite improvements. But to achieve life long good results, the root must go, otherwise its just as easy to fall back into the same rut that you started off in. Trust me, I have first hand experience in this. It was difficult to climb out of it, but i did, and so can you, so no worries here.
To pull the root and to accomplish overpowering your ego, you must become present. This means you must be in the moment during the moment. That means the past is only a memory and the future only a possibility that only exists in your mind. So stop and focus completely on something right in front of you. It might be an object, it might be a body part... whatever it is, just focus on it. Your mind will eventually become still and you feel something like peace. You will find that the small bouts of peace can become an addictions and eventually all you will want to do is be present.
I'm not saying that you shouldn't remember your past, or that its not necessary to plan for the future. Those things are important. All I am saying is that you shouldn't only be stuck in the past and future to the point that you miss out of the fun of the present.
In part 2 of The EGO, I will be discussing the way the ego identifies itself with concepts, and how you can shape your ego to work for you not against you.
So I leave you will a quote that made an impact on me:
At university I once told a guy that NASA called to say that they had just spotted his ego from space, that's just how big his ego is. But then recent revelations made me think... perhaps he's not the only one with an ego in that conversation. I have an ego... A big one in fact. And so do you. (I ask you to hold your word slap till you finish reading this).
We all have an ego, because its the fundamental necessary evil that makes the world go round. Its necessary because it gives us a sense of self. It identifies itself as person with a name and gender and address and life story. You cannot exist in this world without your ego, because no matter much we feel a spiritual oneness with everyone and everything, you will still have your own body that limits you from truly becoming one with the world. You can't avoid it... I mean picture this... You're sitting at the dining table and the person opposite you as just used the salt on their food, and your food also needs more salt... No amount of oneness is gonna make your food saltier. YOU will have to ask the person across from YOU to pass the salt.
Essentially that is all the ego is at its basic level, but what it becomes is entirely up to how you identify yourself with. So no, being vain or modest has very little to do with having an "ego" about yourself. Perhaps studies will one day find that a healthy vanity may in fact be better than being modest. I say this because the vain have a healthy dose of love for themselves, and so they should... Everyone one should. But we all don't. Some of us have low self-esteems, eating disorders, lack confidence, and have issues with accepting achievements with grace. Jane Austin makes a good argument about this, in her book Pride and Prejudice... Actually, it was when I read the book a few years ago that I began to really look at the concept of modesty and its affect on the ego.
You see, learning to love yourself is one of the most important things that one can ever do. I mean you can hold yourself to the perception of what others think of you and be happy or unhappy, but you can also hold yourself to your ego's perception and be happy or unhappy... Everything the ego knows it has learnt. So if you believe that small button noses are nice but you have a straight pointy nose, it doesn't mean that you don't have a nice nose. Or does it? That depends entirely on you and your ego. I will discuss more on this later on when I discuss Taking Things Personally. What I am really trying to achieve here is an understanding on the fact that you are separate from your ego. You can tell this very easily like this: The next time you start thinking about things ask yourself, if I am talking then who is listening? More often than not, you are the one listening and the one talking is your ego.
One of my cousins always jokes that she can't decide which of the voices in her head should she listen to. She's right, there are a few voices happening in all of our heads. There's the ego, there is you and there is what Eckhart Tolle calls "The pain body". But also sometimes there's a quiet voice in the corner, nudging you on... it may be your gut or sixth sense, or instinct. However you look at it, most of the time that voice is coming from God, or the angels, maybe even a last loved one. So never ignore that voice. I mean you can if you want to... freedom of choice and all that jazz, but it might work out more pleasantly if you did listen.
So we all have an ego and its necessary thing to have, which can sometimes be a bad thing, because the ego affects the way you wield the Law of Attraction. If your ego is always looking to play the victim and you are so identified with your ego that you won't notice just how often you play the victim in your everyday life. The same goes for playing the judge. There are two ways to overpower your ego, sort of. Well, there is only one way that I know off, and the other way is more like a quick fix.
The quick fix way is to change your thoughts. You can think more positive thoughts and you can change your perceptions. This is good as a start because its like trimming down the bushy branches and leaves of an unwanted weed, so that you can eventually pull it out from the root. It will give you an difficult but, forgive the pun, fruitful start. It may take a few days but you will start seeing some definite improvements. But to achieve life long good results, the root must go, otherwise its just as easy to fall back into the same rut that you started off in. Trust me, I have first hand experience in this. It was difficult to climb out of it, but i did, and so can you, so no worries here.
To pull the root and to accomplish overpowering your ego, you must become present. This means you must be in the moment during the moment. That means the past is only a memory and the future only a possibility that only exists in your mind. So stop and focus completely on something right in front of you. It might be an object, it might be a body part... whatever it is, just focus on it. Your mind will eventually become still and you feel something like peace. You will find that the small bouts of peace can become an addictions and eventually all you will want to do is be present.
I'm not saying that you shouldn't remember your past, or that its not necessary to plan for the future. Those things are important. All I am saying is that you shouldn't only be stuck in the past and future to the point that you miss out of the fun of the present.
In part 2 of The EGO, I will be discussing the way the ego identifies itself with concepts, and how you can shape your ego to work for you not against you.
So I leave you will a quote that made an impact on me:
Wednesday, 29 January 2014
Not afraid anymore
Well last year I found myself in a sad space. Life seemed to be going no where slowly. Then I bought a book, with my friend about the spiritual attraction of love. Seemed a good enough play to start. I began to learn things about attracting the type of relationships that I want in life.. The type of people that I want in my life... Later on in the blog I will tell you all of the discoveries I have made and about the shift I left within myself.
Anyway this post is not about all of that. Its about learning that I am a Lightworker. I didn't know what that meant. Mostly, I ignored that message because after I had researched about it, I found out that Lightworkers are people that are born on this Earth to fulfill some global mission. But who am I to be someone that can help the world? There's nothing special about me that makes me capable of doing anything for the world. But nevertheless, I decided to at least help myself before I went about figuring out what it meant to be a Lightworker.
So I learnt things such as the roles we play in life... Victim, Judge... etc... I learnt the difference between perception, opinion, fact, absolute-truth and relative-truth... I learnt about the ego and about the higher self... I learnt how to meditate. I joined Brahma Kumaris... I learnt about the law and power of attraction... And then I had this urge to what to teach people the things that I have learnt. So I decided to blog it... I mean if one person in the whole wide world reads this blog and takes something away from it, then I have accomplished so much more than I could have by just sitting around and learning things for myself only.
But then I didn't blog as much as I promised myself that I would... And I haven't been telling you guys exactly how to do the things that I have learnt to do and why its necessary to do them. Because I guess I was scared. I don't like telling people how to think and why they are wrong... Essentially I don't know if I even believe in a right or wrong, therefore telling someone that they are wrong feels judgmental on my part. I was scared to be who I am essentially. So even though I have learnt so much and I have come so far, I really have been going nowhere slowly. I suppose, I'm also afraid of confrontation. It scares me to think that people I know will read this blog and start trying to impose their beliefs and doubts on me. I'm also scared that by focusing my energy into helping people then I would slowly drown in the material world that we live in. I mean how can I survive in this world without an income?
Fear has been holding me back, but here I am... telling the universe that I am not afraid anymore and that I am ready to be the Lightworker that I am meant to be. I know now that I can't escape from wanting to help people and wanting to be a spiritual teacher... And I know that the spiritual world will provide for me, that I am taken care off in every way possible. All I have to do, is tell you guys exactly what I think and why I think and how it can help you. Follow it if you want, its up to you to decide whats best for you.
Right now, I feel kinda empowered, because I truly feel that I will no longer allow the insecurities of others to affect me.
I will blog about what a Lightworker is and how to know if you are a Lightworker... As soon as I understand it more clearly. I suppose you're gonna have to learn at my pace with me... Haha. But you always do your own research on it. There are lots of people out there that can help you discover your inner power, so you don't have to wait for me.
In case you were wondering how I know I am a Lightworker... First I did an angel card reading that told me what I am... Then I read up about it and I found that I perfectly met the description... And then I found out that I also have whats called "Lightworker syndrome" which meant that not stepping up to who I am, was also pushing me back in every other aspect of my life.
So I am gonna sign off this blog with a quote from Marianne Williamson
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not your darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are all born to manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people the permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
Tuesday, 14 January 2014
Sympathy Snowball
Hey Guys,
Sorry!! I know its been ages since I last posted. You know how it goes during the end of the year. Parties all around. Woot woot. Well not exactly parties, my uncle got married and it was amazing. One of these days I will post some pics of the epic day.
So the holidays wouldn't just go by without some epic realization. And I know I had mine.
Perhaps playing the victim is something that people are addicted to. It sounds like a horror story to me. Seriously. To be trapped in a pool of self inflicting misery. Why would anyone want that? Why would anyone not make the decision to change that?
Darrel says that everyone needs to reach their pain limit. There has to be a point whereby you look at your like and think: "No, this is not for me", and then you make the decision to change your life around. But then some people put themselves through so much. You wanna know whats the worst part? The worst part is that they don't want to change. Why not? Why not want to make life better?
Darrel also says that sometimes you can't tell a person exactly whats messed up in their lives. You gotta let them figure it out for themselves. I guess waiting for that to happen has been a real test of patience for me.
Whats worse is when they want sympathy. I can't give it because I know that I'm just feeding the pain-body that lives within them... That haunts their lives, that makes them go through more pain. Like I said before, sympathy is not love. It's like encouraging negativity into their lives. In my head, I see it as a snowball rolling down a hill. As it rolls it picks up speed and more snow until it spirals out of control and into its own destruction. It takes down anything and everything in its path.
So when I see this sympathy snowball lurking its evil head around the corner, I do my best not to give into it. It's hard not to give in, because its like I feel guilty for not giving sympathy to a victim because they assume that I'm not giving them love... because we give sympathy to those that we love right? Wrong! We give love to those that we love, not sympathy. The guilt shows up because we know that victims don't understand.
So here's the thing, not let the guilt creep in, because the reality is that guilt is just as negative as sympathy. If you have chosen to walk down this path with me, then there is no room for positive liabilities. Meaning there is no room for negativity that disguises itself as positivity. So if you want to stop playing the victim you have to stop encouraging others from playing the victim, by not giving them the sympathy that they want. It's cool in a way because when we see others behaving as victims, then it becomes easier to stop ourselves from behaving as victims.
Now don't forget, Rome wasn't built in a day. These things take time, and time is what you need to give yourself.
Laters people.
xoxo
Sorry!! I know its been ages since I last posted. You know how it goes during the end of the year. Parties all around. Woot woot. Well not exactly parties, my uncle got married and it was amazing. One of these days I will post some pics of the epic day.
So the holidays wouldn't just go by without some epic realization. And I know I had mine.
Perhaps playing the victim is something that people are addicted to. It sounds like a horror story to me. Seriously. To be trapped in a pool of self inflicting misery. Why would anyone want that? Why would anyone not make the decision to change that?
Darrel says that everyone needs to reach their pain limit. There has to be a point whereby you look at your like and think: "No, this is not for me", and then you make the decision to change your life around. But then some people put themselves through so much. You wanna know whats the worst part? The worst part is that they don't want to change. Why not? Why not want to make life better?
Darrel also says that sometimes you can't tell a person exactly whats messed up in their lives. You gotta let them figure it out for themselves. I guess waiting for that to happen has been a real test of patience for me.
Whats worse is when they want sympathy. I can't give it because I know that I'm just feeding the pain-body that lives within them... That haunts their lives, that makes them go through more pain. Like I said before, sympathy is not love. It's like encouraging negativity into their lives. In my head, I see it as a snowball rolling down a hill. As it rolls it picks up speed and more snow until it spirals out of control and into its own destruction. It takes down anything and everything in its path.
So when I see this sympathy snowball lurking its evil head around the corner, I do my best not to give into it. It's hard not to give in, because its like I feel guilty for not giving sympathy to a victim because they assume that I'm not giving them love... because we give sympathy to those that we love right? Wrong! We give love to those that we love, not sympathy. The guilt shows up because we know that victims don't understand.
So here's the thing, not let the guilt creep in, because the reality is that guilt is just as negative as sympathy. If you have chosen to walk down this path with me, then there is no room for positive liabilities. Meaning there is no room for negativity that disguises itself as positivity. So if you want to stop playing the victim you have to stop encouraging others from playing the victim, by not giving them the sympathy that they want. It's cool in a way because when we see others behaving as victims, then it becomes easier to stop ourselves from behaving as victims.
Now don't forget, Rome wasn't built in a day. These things take time, and time is what you need to give yourself.
Laters people.
xoxo
Friday, 29 November 2013
Every day
So I am really new to all this positive thinking and spiritualism... So I still have my off days.
This week has felt like a really off week. Sometimes I forget the difference between me and my ego. Which can lead to reverting to my old ways of thinking and acting and reacting.
Its not very nice at all. But its all part of the learning curve. There isn't a book or a movie that you can watch and thereafter you have this revolutionary moment and suddenly your life takes a change for the better. The moment where you recognize a need for change does occur, the truth is that that is where the journey can start and end. You really have to put in the effort and have the drive to want to change things... be happier... Be loved... be you!
So recognizing when you think and feel things that go against the way you vision the perfect you to be, is actually an important step. The more you recognize, the better you will get at overcoming those thoughts and actions.
Don't beat yourself up about it, because that will only serve to feed yourself with more misery... guilt... victimization... Just recognize and allow it to happen... then move on from that point.
All things pass. Good or bad... It comes and goes. No use getting attached to a point in time.
This week has felt like a really off week. Sometimes I forget the difference between me and my ego. Which can lead to reverting to my old ways of thinking and acting and reacting.
Its not very nice at all. But its all part of the learning curve. There isn't a book or a movie that you can watch and thereafter you have this revolutionary moment and suddenly your life takes a change for the better. The moment where you recognize a need for change does occur, the truth is that that is where the journey can start and end. You really have to put in the effort and have the drive to want to change things... be happier... Be loved... be you!
So recognizing when you think and feel things that go against the way you vision the perfect you to be, is actually an important step. The more you recognize, the better you will get at overcoming those thoughts and actions.
Don't beat yourself up about it, because that will only serve to feed yourself with more misery... guilt... victimization... Just recognize and allow it to happen... then move on from that point.
All things pass. Good or bad... It comes and goes. No use getting attached to a point in time.
Tuesday, 26 November 2013
Food for thought
For the last few days I have been feeling rather uneasy and I couldn't figure out why. The Darrel Naidu, my good friend, told me that instead of thinking about a possible future, I should rather think about the possible me. Which got me thinking...
So many of us (including myself) spend our time thinking about exactly what it is that we want. What it is could also include a who we want. I looked up at the notes I stuck on my wall, which I made after I watched The Secret, that who can't ever make us happy, because no one must change in order for me to be happy.
I am the sole controller of my own happiness. If I put my happiness in the hands of someone else, it will never bring about the happiness that I really want. How can it? I am my own person, with my own personality and my own set of likes and dislikes... So how can someone else make me happy in exactly the way I want to be happy?
Just some food for thought...
Monday, 25 November 2013
Judging Amy
Lol, for those of you that don't know me, a lot of people call me Amy. And this post is about passing judgments. So I thought the title was appropriate... Now it's lame because I explained it. So now its a Lamy... (for Ash and Darrel)Okay, so what do I mean by judgments... I mean the role we play as a Judge.
By being a judge means that you are passing judgement upon other people, situations and most importantly yourself. As we all know, we tend to be our own worst enemies. We continuously criticize ourselves... I’m too fat, I’m too thing, I have big feet, I have ugly handwriting, I am a terrible cook... etc, etc. I can literally go on all day listing every criticism I have ever paid to myself or I have heard someone else say about themselves. Then one day I realized that I am so mean to myself. I find myself paying compliments to people all the time, yet I only ever had bad things to say about myself.
So I decided that from now on I would focus on all the things that I like/love about me. Sure it is difficult at first, so to make it easier, I wrote a list of things that I loved about me. Some of the things I wrote down, I didn’t really like at all, but I wrote it down anyway. I began to appreciate myself. Whenever, I would feel the urge to judge myself, I would just notice what it was that I was saying. Then I would take a moment, whenever I got the moment, to think about why I said that about myself. What was the deeper meaning of what it was that I had said to myself? In this way I began to uproot all the insecurities that were hiding inside of me. I deal with each of my insecurity as it shows its face so that in time I will be secure about myself in every way possible.When I stopped judging myself, I began to notice how many times I judged other people. When I say judge, I mean even in a good way, I judged people. Whether someone behaved in a way that I perceived to be "wrong" or "bad", or whether I noticed someone’s behavior to be in accordance to something I believed to be "right" or "good", I was judging. They say when you point your finger at someone then at least three fingers are pointing right back at you. It is true. Most judgments are hypocritical. The things we judge about other people are the things we usually don’t like about ourselves. It reminds me of a poem that I had read when I was a little girl. It was about how its okay for me to act or behave in a certain way, but it’s not okay for you to do it. The problem is that it becomes difficult to notice our own hypocritical nature. That is why I started by being kinder to myself. I became kinder to others, then I became more secure in myself.
Some people argue that there is no real way to not be judgmental because by saying that you’re not going to judge someone, then you made a judgement about them and then you decide not to judge them. Well that’s why I say that it’s important to not judge whether something is perceived by you to be "good" or "bad". Good and bad are relative to each person. In economies we had a joke that went something like: Don’t treat others the way you would like to be treated because their preferences may be different. So something that is good to one person maybe bad to another. Some people love cabbage, other people don’t. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t treat people the way you would like to be treated, but it is necessary to understand that good is only relative to the eye of the perciever. So rather you rather not judge whether an action is "good" or "bad", instead focus on treating others the way you would like to be treated... with kindness... you will notice that the mean hypocrite will be replaced by a more peaceful and relaxed you... you will be happier and more secure.
By being a judge means that you are passing judgement upon other people, situations and most importantly yourself. As we all know, we tend to be our own worst enemies. We continuously criticize ourselves... I’m too fat, I’m too thing, I have big feet, I have ugly handwriting, I am a terrible cook... etc, etc. I can literally go on all day listing every criticism I have ever paid to myself or I have heard someone else say about themselves. Then one day I realized that I am so mean to myself. I find myself paying compliments to people all the time, yet I only ever had bad things to say about myself.
So I decided that from now on I would focus on all the things that I like/love about me. Sure it is difficult at first, so to make it easier, I wrote a list of things that I loved about me. Some of the things I wrote down, I didn’t really like at all, but I wrote it down anyway. I began to appreciate myself. Whenever, I would feel the urge to judge myself, I would just notice what it was that I was saying. Then I would take a moment, whenever I got the moment, to think about why I said that about myself. What was the deeper meaning of what it was that I had said to myself? In this way I began to uproot all the insecurities that were hiding inside of me. I deal with each of my insecurity as it shows its face so that in time I will be secure about myself in every way possible.When I stopped judging myself, I began to notice how many times I judged other people. When I say judge, I mean even in a good way, I judged people. Whether someone behaved in a way that I perceived to be "wrong" or "bad", or whether I noticed someone’s behavior to be in accordance to something I believed to be "right" or "good", I was judging. They say when you point your finger at someone then at least three fingers are pointing right back at you. It is true. Most judgments are hypocritical. The things we judge about other people are the things we usually don’t like about ourselves. It reminds me of a poem that I had read when I was a little girl. It was about how its okay for me to act or behave in a certain way, but it’s not okay for you to do it. The problem is that it becomes difficult to notice our own hypocritical nature. That is why I started by being kinder to myself. I became kinder to others, then I became more secure in myself.
Some people argue that there is no real way to not be judgmental because by saying that you’re not going to judge someone, then you made a judgement about them and then you decide not to judge them. Well that’s why I say that it’s important to not judge whether something is perceived by you to be "good" or "bad". Good and bad are relative to each person. In economies we had a joke that went something like: Don’t treat others the way you would like to be treated because their preferences may be different. So something that is good to one person maybe bad to another. Some people love cabbage, other people don’t. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t treat people the way you would like to be treated, but it is necessary to understand that good is only relative to the eye of the perciever. So rather you rather not judge whether an action is "good" or "bad", instead focus on treating others the way you would like to be treated... with kindness... you will notice that the mean hypocrite will be replaced by a more peaceful and relaxed you... you will be happier and more secure.
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